Rebirth In Frolfing And The Continued Slow Decline Of Journalism

First, A Note About The Blog

Traditionally the death gurgle of a short-term blog is the standard “I know I haven’t posted in a while but…Golly…I’m gonna do better…soon” post.  Sadly, that was my most recent post here.

And it wasn’t that recent.

This winter has been depressing, I think we can agree.  I’ve played fewer than a dozen rounds of frolf this year.  For me, that’s a decent week.  It’s not a good pace for 6 weeks.

For the two of you who read this site from outside the United States, this has been the coldest, wettest, and most miserable winter our region has had in a very long time.

Now, I’m too fed up with not playing..to not play.

(I’ve also spent enough time away from writing to find myself saddled with the sentence above.)

Now The Weekly Journalism Rant

Here’s a tragic bit of writing news from Bakersfield, California :

“Disc golf has become a growing sport in Bakersfield over the past few years.”

That’s the lead sentence in a story that, if the headline is any indication, is about “Thieves Steal(ing) From Local Disc Golfers”.

See?  The headline is neat-0!  I want to read that.  Then, as is required by Federal law, we’re given a lead sentence so gawl-darned lame I almost gave up.  Here’s a tip for all you aspiring authors, don’t start a story is a gerund.

Hard to believe a state governed by this guy :

..could produce writing that bad.

Anyway, if you don’t want to endure the awfulness of Bakersfield alone, I’ll be your guide.

Here’s the story with my translation for those with delicate sensibilites :

“Disc golf has become a growing sport in Bakersfield over the past few years. Maybe because the sport, which involves throwing a disc into a basket or target, is known for being fairly inexpensive. But now, thanks to thieves the free sport is costing one disc golf group.”

Disc golf is a thing that is getting larger in the place where we live over a non-specific period of time.  I don’t know much about it, but I’m guessing it has something to do with a disc.  It’s also popular because it’s cheap.  Getting kicked in the nuts is also cheap but somehow not popular.  Here’s the thing, thanks to some thieves, a thing that I said in the PREVIOUS SENTENCE was “fairly inexpensive” but now describe as a “free sport” is either more expensive or less free!

“At any time of the day you can find disc golfers practicing their game at the Kern River Parkway on Truxtun Extension.

Players aim to overcome obstacles to make it into each basket, but now there is one more obstacle standing in their way. A few weeks ago, one of the baskets came up missing.”

Players play often.  They overcome obstacles.  For most, that obstacle is obesity.  It’s a regular episode of “Blossom” out there and every hour is a VERY special episode. Then, more drama! At first we thought one of the baskets had come up lame…instead it “came up” missing!

“It definitely isn’t cool for the people that want to come out and play that you steal a basket and we can’t even play a complete game,” said disc golfer Nicole Wiley. “Not to mention, I have to throw it between two trees now and I don’t have the accuracy to do that so it’s pretty crappy.”

This part speaks for itself.  The author quotes an actual disc golfer, Nicole Wiley, who manages to get the word “crappy” into the story.  Well done!

“The Kern County Disc Golf Club put in the nine basket course with money they raised through holding tournaments and fundraisers. Club member Rocky Brown said because money is hard to come by, it could take them six to eight months to replace the stolen basket.”

Because disc gold is either inexpensive, free, or some odd variation of both money is tight.  They held tournaments.   Sadly, Tom Joad, Jim Casey, and Rosasharn were all tied up for grape pickin’ season and couldn’t help with the fundraiser.

“This basket wasn’t stolen from the city, which wouldn’t be OK. It was stolen from other disc golfers that care enough about the game to take their own time to do this,” said Brown.

Brown said each basket costs anywhere from $400 to $500 to replace. And with the basket weighing close to 100 pounds, Brown believes it was a two-person job.

Rocky Brown is an idiot.

Aren’t you glad I spared you the trip to read it yourself?

Anyway, somebody stole a basket in Bakersfield.  It made the news on the local TV station.  ’Nuff Said.

For the record, now that you’ve skipped the story itself, do yourself a favor and check out the comments.

Here’s my favorite :

“Proably got stolen to make into weapons!”